Response to Lili Radloff of Women24 on her article "All rapes aren't equal".

This truly antifeminist retrogressive article can be found at http://www.women24.com/Women24/PregnancyParenting/TalkingPoint/Article/0,,1-9-34_22789,00.html if anyone would like to waste five minutes of their time.

This is my response:

The way you are thinking is entirely retrogressive.

Defining the act as rape, whether it was the headachy wife, person who went home for foreplay, or someone who is a victim/survivor of gang rape is not something that diminishes the experience of the survivor of gang rape. It is rather something that allows that woman to come together in solidarity with other women and acknowledge that this is a crime that IS NEVER acceptable. It is to acknowledge that in each of these instances, the women or men who have been forced to have unconsensual sex, have endured something that nobody should endure and have the right to fight back legally.

Suggesting things like, 'when a woman goes home with a man willingly' is playing into all the rape myths that the men raping are using. Other myths include, 'she was dressed a particular way', 'she secretly wanted it', 'she shouldn't have got drunk', 'it was a crime of passion', 'if she didn't scream or hurt it wasn't rape', 'women cry rape when they regret sex', 'rapists are mythical sexual predators', 'prostitutes or sex workers cannot be raped' - IT IS NEVER OK TO FORCE SOMEONE TO HAVE SEX.

In addition, your description of the rapist is part of the problem. You see the sinister man, waiting on the corner to strike out at his target. Yes, this does happen, but the majority of rape in South Africa occurs between two people who know each other. This is the significance of making clear that forced sex within a domestic partnership, whether marriage, or a couple, or whatever instance, is rape.

The word we use is particularly important. It must be called rape to ensure that all women and men receive the same protection from the law, and are treated with dignity and respect. Attitudes that promote the idea that one is a lesser crime than the other will only result in the persecution of rape survivors and these attitudes must be addressed.

If you remain confused there are numerous women's rights organisations, and rape support organisations, who will be happy to provide you with more information on the decisions behind the definition of rape.